2.3.2007

1. I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb
...and I also know that I'm not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women,
but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
-Erica Jong-

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
-Rita Rudner

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman-

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- Erma Bombeck-

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
- Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-

I think-therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead-

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.
Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson-

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
-Gilda Radner-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man;
if you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinhem-

I never married because there was no need.
I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband:
I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon
and a cat that comes home late at night.
-Marie Corelli-

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.
-Baroness Edith Summerskill

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?
-Linda Ellerbee-

I am a marvelous housekeeper.
Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-